An everyday tale of delusion, defiance and disaster

that will teach you English.



 Life on Hamoco

 By John James Carty

Hello, Zuzu here! I don’t talk about my home planet Hamoco very much but I think about it a lot. Last week I was thinking about the law of gravity. We have a lot of gravity in Santander.

In school they teach us that the rest of Spain, and everywhere else in the world, has a lot of gravity too. We have gravity on planet Hamoco, of course. But not on Tuesdays.

The gravity supply cuts off at some time every Tuesday. At least we get some warning when it’s going to happen because all the little things like spiders, frogs, mice and small cats lift off the ground.

When we see these little creatures floating around we know we must get inside a building quickly. Normally we have a lot of activities and hobbies but on Tuesdays the main pastime is holding on and watching the wall.

I know that people say there’s nothing good on television, but let me tell you, just watching the wall is really good fun compared to falling off the planet.

Of course we have a lot of practice at living without gravity. One of our greatest inventions is the slippanka (zapancla), which is a cross between a slipper and an anchor.

There are magnetic strips on the soles of a slippanka and all our floors have lines of little metal strips like the ones in an airplane or a fancy Peñacastillo cinema.

So when we wear slippankas we can walk around, but very slowly.

Normally I like to play football and run around outside but you need gravity for that. On Tuesdays I like to float in the air around the apartment but I can do things like reading, stamp collecting and sleeping without any gravity.

Sometimes I enjoy doing weightless jigsaw puzzles which, of course, depend on strong glue. This can get a bit messy.

My friend Longthings is older than me, he’s eleven. He’s a professional jigsaw player but on Tuesdays he puts his jigsaws together with a hammer and big nails.

I think this is cheating but he says it’s in the rules. The best invention I have ever seen for a Tuesday is the gravity – free funfair but that’s another story that I’ll tell you later.



Oh dear. Last Tuesday afternoon we all went to the Sardinero beach. It was very hot. The sun was very strong. Zuzu wasn’t wearing a hat. I know what you’re going to say, but I told him! He wouldn’t listen.

In the evening we went to a funfair. I think it was all too much for him and he’s been Hamocoid all week.

He’s been lying on the floor with his arms and legs spread out in a star shape for the last two hours. He won’t move. This is not too bad – at least he’s quiet. But I think his rabbit is pinned under him. I know Zuzu’s only seven, but that’s not always an excuse.

At least his friend Longthings has gone now. Longthings is a very weird person. You don’t want to know anything about this boy.


to play football jugar al futbol plei futbol
to run correr ran
snakes and ladders escaleras sneiks laders
checkers damas chekers
chess ajedrez ches
tennis tenis i de inglés
baseball beisbol igual
basketball baloncesto/basketbol igual
to dance bailar dans
bowling bolos boliñ
to visit visitar i de ingles
to skate patinar skeit
to fish pescar i de ingles
to hunt cazar jant
to drive conducir, manejar draiv
cycling ciclismo saikliñ
canoeing canotage kanu-iñ
to sail navegar seil
to swim nadar suim (i de ingles)
to dive zambullirse daiv
wrestling lucha libre resliñ
Hamocoid tendencia de una persona del planeta Hamoco